Gentle God held the torn pages of my life and sewed them back together with threds of the shed blood of His Son .....
Wednesday, November 18, 2020
Catherine of Siena
"this bridge has walls of stones so that travellers will not be hindered when it rains ....stones of solid virtue .. the stones were not built into the walls until My Son's passion ..... heaven had not yet been unlocked with the key of my Son's blood and the rain of justice kept anyone from crossing over... but after these stones were hewn on the body of the Word, my gentle Son, he built them into walls, tempering the mortar with his own blood. That is, his blood was mixed into the mortar of his divinity with the strong heat of burning love...."
Sunday, June 14, 2020
george amnd Jesus
back in 1978 my job was managing a private orthopaedic practice, as well as managing this surgeon's responsibilities as chief of orthopaedics at the hospital, and managing his off site clinics in Pembroke and Nunavut ... I worked 11 hour days, and often took work home in the evenings .... because rejection was my #1 "issue" I never said no or asked for help ..... I loved my job but was continually exhausted ..... one day while at work I heard loudly in my spirit from the Lord that He wished me to go to the Sudbury area and there was an urgency about this ..... I felt compelled to obey .... I called a friend and asked if she would go with me .... my boss was in surgery at the hospital so shaking in my boots, I left a message for him that I had to go out of town and was not exactly sure when I would be back ...I was convinced he would fire me once he received the message but I had to go ..... I called home and told Ron I had to go to Sudbury and was not sure for how long ...... I walked across the street from the office, rented a car and we were on our way .... we had never been to Sudbury but felt confident Jesus would tell us where to go .... when I saw the Sudbury sign I again heard in my spirit, keep going to Naughton .... and within a few minutes there was a sign for Naughton... Jesus directed us to a street, then to a driveway .... I pulled in, parked and walked to the door of the house ... I knocked, and as a woman opened the door I could see through to a living room where a man was lying on a couch, with a nurse bending over him and tubes and IV equipment hooked up ....the man barely raised his head, looked at me and whispered "I have been expecting you" .....this was all so surreal .... I walked over to the man who was obviously so very frail and introduced myself .... when he heard my name Argue, he asked if I had a son Geoff .... and it turned out this man years and years ago was a youth pastor at a church in Ottawa and Geoff sometimes used to attend the youth group activities with one of his friends who attended that church .... again, this was all so surreal .. George (on the couch) introduced himself saying the Lord had told him He was sending someone .... I sat on the floor and asked George his story .....
George was pastoring a church in Naughton and recently learned that the chair of his board was a Mason ... George told this man he could either serve Jesus on the board or be a Mason, but he could not do both ... this man got very upset and left the church ..... within a week, George began to feel ill and rapidly became very ill .... he saw his doctor who ran some tests which within days revealed George was filled with cancerous tumours..... George was immediately sent to the large cancer centre in Sudbury and was told he had approximately two weeks to live .... George and his wife started planning his funeral, even to buying his casket .... and then, Jesus spoke to George and said He was sending someone and I knocked on his door .... I felt a boldness rise up within me and I forcefully said to return the casket ... and then started asking questions about George and his family...... it came to light that although George had never embraced this doctrine, his dad was a Mason ..... George had some understanding of the masonic oaths and practices and we started praying through them, repenting, and breaking off all unhealthy attachments .... we put worship CD's on and worshipped, prayed, cried, repented, proclaimed, called upon Jesus for three days and nights ..... and George began to feel stronger ... he began to eat a bit and was able to stand ... the nurse who had come every day was dumbfounded ... and on the third day she disconnected his IV ...... George began to walk around the room singing of God's goodness and power ... he called the church secretary, told her to call everyone to say there would be a Sunday afternoon time of worship at the church .... George walked to the church which was just a half a block away and we had a worship service .....
late Sunday evening I started the drive home ....
George called me a few days later to say he had just seen the cancer specialist who could not find any evidence of cancer in his body ..... the specialist wished George to undergo a few rounds of chemotherapy just to ensure the cancer was completely gone and George agreed to do this. Within a month George was declared 100% cancer free and all chemo was stopped ... he resumed pastoring the church .... some members had left influenced by the previous board chair but folks in the community who had heard of George's healing filled the church .....
George is still pastoring to this day and is still 100% cancer free after all these years ......
my boss did not fire me upon my return although he sure was puzzled .....
I remain in total awe about the entire experience ......
George was pastoring a church in Naughton and recently learned that the chair of his board was a Mason ... George told this man he could either serve Jesus on the board or be a Mason, but he could not do both ... this man got very upset and left the church ..... within a week, George began to feel ill and rapidly became very ill .... he saw his doctor who ran some tests which within days revealed George was filled with cancerous tumours..... George was immediately sent to the large cancer centre in Sudbury and was told he had approximately two weeks to live .... George and his wife started planning his funeral, even to buying his casket .... and then, Jesus spoke to George and said He was sending someone and I knocked on his door .... I felt a boldness rise up within me and I forcefully said to return the casket ... and then started asking questions about George and his family...... it came to light that although George had never embraced this doctrine, his dad was a Mason ..... George had some understanding of the masonic oaths and practices and we started praying through them, repenting, and breaking off all unhealthy attachments .... we put worship CD's on and worshipped, prayed, cried, repented, proclaimed, called upon Jesus for three days and nights ..... and George began to feel stronger ... he began to eat a bit and was able to stand ... the nurse who had come every day was dumbfounded ... and on the third day she disconnected his IV ...... George began to walk around the room singing of God's goodness and power ... he called the church secretary, told her to call everyone to say there would be a Sunday afternoon time of worship at the church .... George walked to the church which was just a half a block away and we had a worship service .....
late Sunday evening I started the drive home ....
George called me a few days later to say he had just seen the cancer specialist who could not find any evidence of cancer in his body ..... the specialist wished George to undergo a few rounds of chemotherapy just to ensure the cancer was completely gone and George agreed to do this. Within a month George was declared 100% cancer free and all chemo was stopped ... he resumed pastoring the church .... some members had left influenced by the previous board chair but folks in the community who had heard of George's healing filled the church .....
George is still pastoring to this day and is still 100% cancer free after all these years ......
my boss did not fire me upon my return although he sure was puzzled .....
I remain in total awe about the entire experience ......
Jim and Jesus
Every year I must take courses, undergo three one on one accountability sessions and write a paper on a given topic ... this is to keep my working credentials current ... the topic assigned to me this year was "God in the midst of grief" ....and I knew immediately what I would write ....this is the guts of my paper ..
In 1967, Ron was transferred to the Indian Reservation just outside Cornwall, Ontario .... fortunately I was able to find a job quickly at the General Hospital .... a year later, the moment I found out I was pregnant, being concerned about radiation exposure, I quit my job .... faced with an eight month window of simply waiting, I inquired about fostering a baby .... within 48 hours, on January 13, a 10 hour old baby boy was placed in my arms .... I was granted the privilege of caring for this babe, named Michael by his birth mom, until he would be placed in his forever home several months down the road ...
Michael and I spent our weeks, which turned into months, together ... he was a beautiful baby who grew quickly .... he loved to sit with me as I read to him... he loved the jolly jumper ... he loved his food ... he loved his bed ... he loved being loved ....
After 6 months I ran into some challenges with my pregnancy which necessitated me staying in bed for the duration or I would run the risk of losing my baby .... obviously I could not continue to look after Michael while remaining in bed and I was faced with the heart wrenching decision .... give him up or possibly lose my baby .... I already had had one miscarriage and so took this warning very seriously ..
After an agonizing week, Michael left my arms and was placed in someone else's arms ... it was the hardest, hardest time .... I ached in the missing of him ... his little sounds, his smells, his smile, the feeling of his wee face pressed into my neck ..
I did not allow myself to grieve ... I simply focused on my baby growing inside of me .... I was so emotionally fragile that I thought to grieve Michael meant I loved him more than my yet to be born baby ... it was a tough lonely deep valley ...
Our stunningly beautiful daughter was born in due time and remains to this day the joy and delight of my heart ...
Life went on .... we had a second baby, a boy this time, who also to this day remains such a delightful blessing ...
Years and years passed ... in 2004(ish) I was involved in a bible study with my colleagues at work ... the focus on this particular day was unresolved grief and I was suddenly unexpectedly doubled over with the pain of giving up Michael .... I cried and cried .... this was so surprising and so painful ... that night I had a dream when Michael, now a grown man, was standing in front of me and I was able to ask his forgiveness for giving him up so suddenly ...
The next day while at OneWay, sitting around the board room table with my colleagues, a gentleman burst through the door saying "God has something for me today" .... I had seen this man before and had actually prayed for him before he spoke during a Promise Keepers convention but was not sure I even knew his name ... my colleagues left the room saying this was for me to handle ....
So this young man sat across the table from me and I heard in my spirit " tell him about the dream" ... and I thought I could never ever do that .... it was such a personal dream I could not share it with someone I did not know.... I heard again " tell him about the dream" ....
And so I started to share my dream and this young man started to weep saying "that's me ..that's me" ....
As God would have it, this young man had been born on January 13, and immediately given up for adoption .... and under the direction of the Spirit I had the amazing honour of standing in for his birth mom and asking his forgiveness for giving him up to a stranger's care ....
And Jesus brought deep healing both to that young man and myself as that young man unknowingly stood in the place of Michael receiving my stumbling request for forgiveness...
Something very deep in my heart and in my spirit happened that day
Jesus opened the door for me to once again mother love a boy born to another ...
Michael and I spent our weeks, which turned into months, together ... he was a beautiful baby who grew quickly .... he loved to sit with me as I read to him... he loved the jolly jumper ... he loved his food ... he loved his bed ... he loved being loved ....
After 6 months I ran into some challenges with my pregnancy which necessitated me staying in bed for the duration or I would run the risk of losing my baby .... obviously I could not continue to look after Michael while remaining in bed and I was faced with the heart wrenching decision .... give him up or possibly lose my baby .... I already had had one miscarriage and so took this warning very seriously ..
After an agonizing week, Michael left my arms and was placed in someone else's arms ... it was the hardest, hardest time .... I ached in the missing of him ... his little sounds, his smells, his smile, the feeling of his wee face pressed into my neck ..
I did not allow myself to grieve ... I simply focused on my baby growing inside of me .... I was so emotionally fragile that I thought to grieve Michael meant I loved him more than my yet to be born baby ... it was a tough lonely deep valley ...
Our stunningly beautiful daughter was born in due time and remains to this day the joy and delight of my heart ...
Life went on .... we had a second baby, a boy this time, who also to this day remains such a delightful blessing ...
Years and years passed ... in 2004(ish) I was involved in a bible study with my colleagues at work ... the focus on this particular day was unresolved grief and I was suddenly unexpectedly doubled over with the pain of giving up Michael .... I cried and cried .... this was so surprising and so painful ... that night I had a dream when Michael, now a grown man, was standing in front of me and I was able to ask his forgiveness for giving him up so suddenly ...
The next day while at OneWay, sitting around the board room table with my colleagues, a gentleman burst through the door saying "God has something for me today" .... I had seen this man before and had actually prayed for him before he spoke during a Promise Keepers convention but was not sure I even knew his name ... my colleagues left the room saying this was for me to handle ....
So this young man sat across the table from me and I heard in my spirit " tell him about the dream" ... and I thought I could never ever do that .... it was such a personal dream I could not share it with someone I did not know.... I heard again " tell him about the dream" ....
And so I started to share my dream and this young man started to weep saying "that's me ..that's me" ....
As God would have it, this young man had been born on January 13, and immediately given up for adoption .... and under the direction of the Spirit I had the amazing honour of standing in for his birth mom and asking his forgiveness for giving him up to a stranger's care ....
And Jesus brought deep healing both to that young man and myself as that young man unknowingly stood in the place of Michael receiving my stumbling request for forgiveness...
Something very deep in my heart and in my spirit happened that day
Jesus opened the door for me to once again mother love a boy born to another ...
healing and forgiveness
The funny thing about healing is that something healed still holds the memory of its former brokenness.
when a bone is fractured, a cast is sometimes applied to bring everything back into proper alignment …. if things are way out of whack, surgery is required to forcefully align the broken pieces ….
whether surgery or plaster, there is restricted motion and pain for sometimes a significant period of time …. there is a weight to a plaster and an open wound that follows surgery …. both require a change in lifestyle and care ..
even after healing, the affected bones still hold the memory of their brokenness …. perhaps some restricted motion, perhaps some weather related discomfort, perhaps a visible scar ….
and so it is with forgiveness ….. even with healing there can be residual pain, a hesitancy in moving forward, an inner scar ….
and we have a choice, always …… to focus on the memory of the break, or focus on the healing that has taken place …..
the memory comes with the weight of the cast, the open wound, the moment of trauma …. this memory can restrict us, introduce its own infection into a constantly reopened wound ….
or
we can live a life of thanks for all the healing that has taken place, for a life without weight, without infection …..
Tuesday, March 10, 2020
Tuesday March 10/20
Mark 14:3-6
familiar story
a woman ..... unnamed ....
pushes her way in where she was not invited nor wanted
men only .... invited men only ...
and here is this woman
daring to enter
and not stay at the edge of the gathering
but push her way right into the centre
right up to the guest of honor
this man called Jesus
and she openly displays her love for this man
she offers all that she has
all that she is
she breaks wide open and offers it all
and there is a beautiful fragrance to her offering
Jesus recognizes the signficance of the fragrance
the others only recognize the cost
all the broken pieces of the jar of her heart
laid at his feet
at the feet of this man Jesus
her heart, not just part of it
but all of it, its entirety,
broken
emptied
and he honors her
all of her
and protects her
I love this man Jesus ...
familiar story
a woman ..... unnamed ....
pushes her way in where she was not invited nor wanted
men only .... invited men only ...
and here is this woman
daring to enter
and not stay at the edge of the gathering
but push her way right into the centre
right up to the guest of honor
this man called Jesus
and she openly displays her love for this man
she offers all that she has
all that she is
she breaks wide open and offers it all
and there is a beautiful fragrance to her offering
Jesus recognizes the signficance of the fragrance
the others only recognize the cost
all the broken pieces of the jar of her heart
laid at his feet
at the feet of this man Jesus
her heart, not just part of it
but all of it, its entirety,
broken
emptied
and he honors her
all of her
and protects her
I love this man Jesus ...
Saturday, March 7, 2020
Saturday March 7/20
our father .... father ....
so grateful I am to have a father who knows me,
calls me by name,
desires to simply be with me,
delights in me, in me ....
not what I do, or how I look
but in me ....the me of me ...
in all my imperfections ....
never asks me to be like someone else
amyone else
but loves me into being me ...
the person he dreamed into being
and how important it is then for me to discover me
for me to be me
to bring him pleasure
my father
my
father
what a privilege it is to be a daughter
of such a father
my father
in heaven
in me
so grateful I am to have a father who knows me,
calls me by name,
desires to simply be with me,
delights in me, in me ....
not what I do, or how I look
but in me ....the me of me ...
in all my imperfections ....
never asks me to be like someone else
amyone else
but loves me into being me ...
the person he dreamed into being
and how important it is then for me to discover me
for me to be me
to bring him pleasure
my father
my
father
what a privilege it is to be a daughter
of such a father
my father
in heaven
in me
Friday, March 6, 2020
Friday March 6/20
Mark 4:35-41 tells us the story of the storm, the wind, the waves, the boat, and the disciples ..
those men who had been walking, living, with Jesus ... those men who were being personally taught by the Son of God .... those men who 24/7 saw and heard and experienced and wondered ....
and here they are now ... these men who are fishermen by trade and so experienced on the water, near the waterm in the water ... and suddenly these men are frightened by a storm .... these men were in a situation they could not understand let alone control ..... they had Jesus with them! in their boat! right in their boat! and while they were panicking He was sleeping! so they woke Him up .... thinking He did not know, did not care ... they thought they would going to die ... so thry woke Him up ..
but why? what did they think He could do? did they simply want Him to suffer in fear with them? if they were going to die, did they want Jesus to die with them? did thry just want to hear His voice one more time?
They had no idea He had authority over the storm ... over the wind, over the waves ... over the sea ..
and they were stunned, awed to see that He did .....
and what storm do I need to bring before Jesus? in what howling wind, what roaring sea do I need to hear His voice ?
in what situation of my life do I need to recognize He is in it with me ..... and thus not be afraid ..
what do I expect Him to do? what do I want, need, yearn for Him to do ???
how do I feel knowing He knows, but He sleeps ......
those men who had been walking, living, with Jesus ... those men who were being personally taught by the Son of God .... those men who 24/7 saw and heard and experienced and wondered ....
and here they are now ... these men who are fishermen by trade and so experienced on the water, near the waterm in the water ... and suddenly these men are frightened by a storm .... these men were in a situation they could not understand let alone control ..... they had Jesus with them! in their boat! right in their boat! and while they were panicking He was sleeping! so they woke Him up .... thinking He did not know, did not care ... they thought they would going to die ... so thry woke Him up ..
but why? what did they think He could do? did they simply want Him to suffer in fear with them? if they were going to die, did they want Jesus to die with them? did thry just want to hear His voice one more time?
They had no idea He had authority over the storm ... over the wind, over the waves ... over the sea ..
and they were stunned, awed to see that He did .....
and what storm do I need to bring before Jesus? in what howling wind, what roaring sea do I need to hear His voice ?
in what situation of my life do I need to recognize He is in it with me ..... and thus not be afraid ..
what do I expect Him to do? what do I want, need, yearn for Him to do ???
how do I feel knowing He knows, but He sleeps ......
Wednesday, March 4, 2020
Wednesday March 4/20
our father
my father
father
abba
daddy
friend
protector
truth teller
life giver
in heaven
and in me ....
heaven in me ...
holy is your name
grant me this day
just enough daily bread
the bread of your presence
just enough for this day
forgive my sins
those things I do when I wish I would not do them
those things that hurt me
hurt you
and all those around me
forgive me for them
to the extent I forgive those who do similar things to me .
sins of words
sins of actions
sins of thought
keep me from temptation
the desire to sin yet again
the desire to want to be safe
the desire to want to be loved
steer me away from evil
the evil of my own heart
the evil of my shadow side
the evil of the twisted sister in me, of me
for yours is the kingdom
the power
the glory
your kingdom, power and glory is what this world needs to see
to hear
to feel
to live
forever
and ever
and ever
amen
my father
father
abba
daddy
friend
protector
truth teller
life giver
in heaven
and in me ....
heaven in me ...
holy is your name
grant me this day
just enough daily bread
the bread of your presence
just enough for this day
forgive my sins
those things I do when I wish I would not do them
those things that hurt me
hurt you
and all those around me
forgive me for them
to the extent I forgive those who do similar things to me .
sins of words
sins of actions
sins of thought
keep me from temptation
the desire to sin yet again
the desire to want to be safe
the desire to want to be loved
steer me away from evil
the evil of my own heart
the evil of my shadow side
the evil of the twisted sister in me, of me
for yours is the kingdom
the power
the glory
your kingdom, power and glory is what this world needs to see
to hear
to feel
to live
forever
and ever
and ever
amen
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