In 1967, Ron was transferred to the Indian Reservation just outside Cornwall, Ontario .... fortunately I was able to find a job quickly at the General Hospital .... a year later, the moment I found out I was pregnant, being concerned about radiation exposure, I quit my job .... faced with an eight month window of simply waiting, I inquired about fostering a baby .... within 48 hours, on January 13, a 10 hour old baby boy was placed in my arms .... I was granted the privilege of caring for this babe, named Michael by his birth mom, until he would be placed in his forever home several months down the road ...
Michael and I spent our weeks, which turned into months, together ... he was a beautiful baby who grew quickly .... he loved to sit with me as I read to him... he loved the jolly jumper ... he loved his food ... he loved his bed ... he loved being loved ....
After 6 months I ran into some challenges with my pregnancy which necessitated me staying in bed for the duration or I would run the risk of losing my baby .... obviously I could not continue to look after Michael while remaining in bed and I was faced with the heart wrenching decision .... give him up or possibly lose my baby .... I already had had one miscarriage and so took this warning very seriously ..
After an agonizing week, Michael left my arms and was placed in someone else's arms ... it was the hardest, hardest time .... I ached in the missing of him ... his little sounds, his smells, his smile, the feeling of his wee face pressed into my neck ..
I did not allow myself to grieve ... I simply focused on my baby growing inside of me .... I was so emotionally fragile that I thought to grieve Michael meant I loved him more than my yet to be born baby ... it was a tough lonely deep valley ...
Our stunningly beautiful daughter was born in due time and remains to this day the joy and delight of my heart ...
Life went on .... we had a second baby, a boy this time, who also to this day remains such a delightful blessing ...
Years and years passed ... in 2004(ish) I was involved in a bible study with my colleagues at work ... the focus on this particular day was unresolved grief and I was suddenly unexpectedly doubled over with the pain of giving up Michael .... I cried and cried .... this was so surprising and so painful ... that night I had a dream when Michael, now a grown man, was standing in front of me and I was able to ask his forgiveness for giving him up so suddenly ...
The next day while at OneWay, sitting around the board room table with my colleagues, a gentleman burst through the door saying "God has something for me today" .... I had seen this man before and had actually prayed for him before he spoke during a Promise Keepers convention but was not sure I even knew his name ... my colleagues left the room saying this was for me to handle ....
So this young man sat across the table from me and I heard in my spirit " tell him about the dream" ... and I thought I could never ever do that .... it was such a personal dream I could not share it with someone I did not know.... I heard again " tell him about the dream" ....
And so I started to share my dream and this young man started to weep saying "that's me ..that's me" ....
As God would have it, this young man had been born on January 13, and immediately given up for adoption .... and under the direction of the Spirit I had the amazing honour of standing in for his birth mom and asking his forgiveness for giving him up to a stranger's care ....
And Jesus brought deep healing both to that young man and myself as that young man unknowingly stood in the place of Michael receiving my stumbling request for forgiveness...
Something very deep in my heart and in my spirit happened that day
Jesus opened the door for me to once again mother love a boy born to another ...
Michael and I spent our weeks, which turned into months, together ... he was a beautiful baby who grew quickly .... he loved to sit with me as I read to him... he loved the jolly jumper ... he loved his food ... he loved his bed ... he loved being loved ....
After 6 months I ran into some challenges with my pregnancy which necessitated me staying in bed for the duration or I would run the risk of losing my baby .... obviously I could not continue to look after Michael while remaining in bed and I was faced with the heart wrenching decision .... give him up or possibly lose my baby .... I already had had one miscarriage and so took this warning very seriously ..
After an agonizing week, Michael left my arms and was placed in someone else's arms ... it was the hardest, hardest time .... I ached in the missing of him ... his little sounds, his smells, his smile, the feeling of his wee face pressed into my neck ..
I did not allow myself to grieve ... I simply focused on my baby growing inside of me .... I was so emotionally fragile that I thought to grieve Michael meant I loved him more than my yet to be born baby ... it was a tough lonely deep valley ...
Our stunningly beautiful daughter was born in due time and remains to this day the joy and delight of my heart ...
Life went on .... we had a second baby, a boy this time, who also to this day remains such a delightful blessing ...
Years and years passed ... in 2004(ish) I was involved in a bible study with my colleagues at work ... the focus on this particular day was unresolved grief and I was suddenly unexpectedly doubled over with the pain of giving up Michael .... I cried and cried .... this was so surprising and so painful ... that night I had a dream when Michael, now a grown man, was standing in front of me and I was able to ask his forgiveness for giving him up so suddenly ...
The next day while at OneWay, sitting around the board room table with my colleagues, a gentleman burst through the door saying "God has something for me today" .... I had seen this man before and had actually prayed for him before he spoke during a Promise Keepers convention but was not sure I even knew his name ... my colleagues left the room saying this was for me to handle ....
So this young man sat across the table from me and I heard in my spirit " tell him about the dream" ... and I thought I could never ever do that .... it was such a personal dream I could not share it with someone I did not know.... I heard again " tell him about the dream" ....
And so I started to share my dream and this young man started to weep saying "that's me ..that's me" ....
As God would have it, this young man had been born on January 13, and immediately given up for adoption .... and under the direction of the Spirit I had the amazing honour of standing in for his birth mom and asking his forgiveness for giving him up to a stranger's care ....
And Jesus brought deep healing both to that young man and myself as that young man unknowingly stood in the place of Michael receiving my stumbling request for forgiveness...
Something very deep in my heart and in my spirit happened that day
Jesus opened the door for me to once again mother love a boy born to another ...
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