rediscovering a voice

yesterday I had the privilege of sitting with a gentle woman
whom I have sat with in a group for a few years
but never before had it been just the two of us ..
this lovely woman carries herself with a quiet elegance
and always looks peace-filled and at ease ...
I knew a tiny piece of her story ....
her husband died about 18 months ago
and she had been to Isreal
but that is all I knew ..
she had asked if she could come and sit for a bit ..

almost immediately her story started to come out
she spoke dispassionately, giving facts,
fighting emotions ....
and it was a sad sad story
of a marriage
that was all fake ..

there was no unity of heart, mind or spirit ..
only hard control
there was no tendeness, no expression of love
no times of being cherished
of being wanted
of being heard
of being seen

all while being upstanding, upfront pillars of the Christian commnity ...

her life was all a sham

she shared that in order to communicate with her husband
she had to write him a letter .... he would not
or could not
or chose not
to hear her voice
let alone her heart ...

and now, she finally had the courage to speak
to start tearing off the shrouds of death she had been wrapped in
for years
and years

she rediscovered her voice
and saw that the world did not end because she dared to speak the truth

and so we began a journey together ...
she will come back when. she is ready to again speak
and together we will move forward into the Light ...

I so admire her courage

but am left with this huge wondering ....

how many of us are out  there?

how many of us are living a lie
a sham
how many of us have lost our voice

when I look around at my sisters
what do I see

when anyone looks at me
what do they see

God have mercy ....